Karate Choppers (Transcript) Lyrics
TV: [shows a realistic pink and yellow fish] Yeah, shopping’s weird. Did you ever go into the seafood aisle and say Who eats this stuff?” [TV audience and SpongeBob laugh]
SpongeBob: I love this show! [Sandy is sitting next to SpongeBob]
Sandy: Me too! [SpongeBob screams and begins to fight]
SpongeBob: Hi-yah! [Sandy puts on her green karate gear]
Sandy: Hi-yah! [SpongeBob high-kicks in slow-motion]
SpongeBob: Hi-yah! [Sandy runs off then drives forward but SpongeBob jumps his upper half of his body to avoid Sandy] Uhh, just a second. [runs off but returns with his red karate gear on] Safety first! [he winks] And now, spin technique! [spins around and lunges towards Sandy]
Sandy: Hi-yah! Yah. [SpongeBob grabs her hand and spins her around]
SpongeBob: Double overhand squirrel knot! [turns her into a round knot and throws her through the door like a bowling ball]
Sandy: I’m gonna get you tomorrow, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: That’ll be the day. [spins his arms and legs around. Pans over to nighttime at Sandy’s treedome, when the phone rings]
Sandy: Hello? [SpongeBob’s arm tries to karate chop Sandy but Sandy takes SpongeBob’s hand and puts it through the phone to karate chop himself] Nice try, SpongeBrain! [hangs up phone. Later, at Barg N Mart, Sandy is shopping when a box of Kelpo falls. She thinks it’s SpongeBob so she gets in her karate stance] Yah! [notices the box of Kelpo] Heh, silly me. [But when she walks a few more steps, SpongeBob is there in his karate gear]
SpongeBob: Hey Sandy, have you ever heard the one about the squirrel and the tin cans?
Sandy: I don’t think so.
SpongeBob: Well, it goes like this! [stretches his arm to ricochet off a shelf and the ceiling to come at Sandy] Oh wait, I forgot the punch line. [His arm stops right before hitting Sandy] Oh, yeah! [hits the loose board on the floor, sending Sandy into a pile of tin cans] That’s a good one, isn’t it? [later, SpongeBob is walking down the road] What a beautiful day. Beautiful sky. Beautiful plants. Hi plants. Beautiful… [sees a pile of tin cans on the ground] pile of cans? Mmm, mmm, Sandy, that is your worst disguise yet. [He puts on karate gear]
Sandy: No it’s not, SpongeBob. [shows him a squirrel mask] This is! [jumps in front of SpongeBob] Now, prepare for a long, merciless whooping! [grabs SpongeBob’s tongue and takes out a bottle of hot sauce] Mmmm, my favorite. [SpongeBob screams as a drop of hot sauce hangs over the edge of the bottle and a face appears on the drop]
Hot Sauce Drop: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! By the powers of naughtiness, I command this particular drop of hot sauce to be really, really HOT!
SpongeBob: [Sandy is just about to pour sauce on SpongeBob’s tongue when he calls out] Sandy! Wait! Victory is yours.
Sandy: I knew you’d come to your senses, SpongeBob. [drinks the bottle of hot sauce. While she is doing this, SpongeBob takes out his tongue revealing a label that says “Novelty Toy” and he wraps the fake tongue she was holding and around her and spins her]
SpongeBob: Yah. [Sandy karate chops SpongeBob far away]
SpongeBob: Curses! [Now at the Krusty Krab the line is very long]
Squidward: Three patties, four large oyster skins, on the double, SpongeBob! [SpongeBob is still wearing his karate gear]
SpongeBob: Oh yeah. Gotcha! [SpongeBob opens a door]
SpongeBob: What? [karate chops Squidward’s face]
Squidward: I’m going to pretend that didn’t happen. [throws two pieces of paper at SpongeBob] Now fill these orders or leave, SpongeBob. We’re very busy today! [SpongeBob runs out of the kitchen with tray of patties in his hands]
SpongeBob: Order up. [stops as he sees a customer karate chopping a fly. The customer turns into Sandy who is in her gear and winks at SpongeBob]
Squidward: SpongeBob! Now are you gonna… [SpongeBob throws the tray backwards at Squidward, causing the Krabby Patties to land on Squidward’s head]
Mr. Krabs: Oh, Squidward. I was going through some records back in me office and. Huh? So, you got the hairpiece after all.
Fred: My leg! [under the floor]
SpongeBob: Thought you could sneak up on me at work, did ya? Well, you can’t! Cause I’m fast, I’m mean, and I can do this! [does something with his hands] Ssss! [Points at Fred then walks backwards] Took care of her, yes I did. [bumps into Mr. Krabs] Oh, ahoy, sir!
Mr. Krabs: What was that?
SpongeBob: But sir, she snuck up on me. In my own dojo.
SpongeBob: No, sir. Just practicing my karate, sir. Or kara-tay, as some call it.
Mr. Krabs: Kara-tay? You should be making me money-ay! With your spatu-lae! Now get back to work.
SpongeBob: Aye aye, capi-tay. Nice hairpiece, Squidward. [he walks off. Later, at closing time, Squidward is mopping the floor]
Squidward: SpongeBob, did you get those bathrooms mopped yet? [SpongeBob is staring at his hands]
SpongeBob: Yes, ma’am. I mean, sir. I mean, boss. I mean, poobah!
Squidward: Go! [SpongeBob walks into the bathroom with a mop and a bucket in hand. He hears a sneeze, so he opens a door but nobody is there]
SpongeBob: Hah! [opens the next stall door and jumps in it] Sandy! [Mr. Krabs walks out of the stall with SpongeBob in his hand]
Mr. Krabs: No more.
SpongeBob: But Mr. Krabs.[Mr. Krabs grabs a hold of SpongeBob’s mouth]
Mr. Krabs: Shh! No more of this karate stuff, lad. Or you’re fired. [lets go of his mouth and walks away]
SpongeBob: [high-pitched voice] Fired? [walks out] No more karate? How am I gonna tell Sandy?
Sandy: Hi-yah! [jumps at SpongeBob and starts karate chopping him]
SpongeBob: Sandy, wait! I can’t. Mr. Krabs said I have to give up karate.
Sandy: [stops] Uh-huh. Sure, SpongeBob. [Sandy karate chops him again]
SpongeBob: No, no. Really, Sandy. Stop.
Sandy: [stops] I’m not falling for it, SpongeBob! [karate chops him even more]
SpongeBob: No, really! Please, stop! [Mr. Krabs looks out the window]
Mr. Krabs: What the? [walks outside] SpongeBob! [SpongeBob screams]
SpongeBob: Ahh, Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: What did I just get through telling ye, lad?
SpongeBob: But I uhh, she…
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you’re fired!
SpongeBob: [high-pitched voice] Fired? [face gets smaller until its not there anymore]
Mr. Krabs: Eh?
Sandy: SpongeBob? [SpongeBob’s face reappears and he then bursts out crying and runs everywhere] Wait, Mr. Krabs, it’s not his fault. It’s it’s mine. He tried to tell me but I wouldn’t listen. [SpongeBob is crying into a cup and drinking his tears. Now he’s flipping over and over around Sandy and Mr. Krabs] Give him another chance, please?
Mr. Krabs: Hmmm.[grabs SpongeBob as he runs] Alright, me boy, I’ll give you a second chance. But no more karate. It’s poisoning your mind. [sniffs Sandy] Mmm, mammals. [walks off]
Sandy: Aww, shoot, SpongeBob. I guess you ain’t fibbing. [she and SpongeBob sigh] Aww, that game was getting old anyway. It’s not fun anymore. I mean, what’s so fun about [karate chops SpongeBob] this?
SpongeBob: [laughs then suddenly stops] Nothing. Nothing is fun about that at all!
Sandy: We can find something to do that’s almost nine times as fun.
SpongeBob: We can? I mean, sure we can. Yeah! Like we can, uhh.[picks up a rock] We can squeeze things! [squeezes the rock and drops it] Woo! How much fun was that?
Sandy: Almost some.
SpongeBob: I know! We can act like plants. [lies on the ground and opens and closes his legs and arms] Photosynthesis. Photosynthesis.
Sandy: Wanna go to the park? [SpongeBob and Sandy are at the park. SpongeBob is holding a basket in one hand]
SpongeBob: Karate sure is dumb.
Sandy: Yeah, you can say that again.
SpongeBob: I feel dumb just thinking about it. [puts the basket down] Duuuuh! I’m stuuuupiiid! I like karaaateee! Doyeee!
Sandy: You like what?
SpongeBob: Not karate.
Sandy: Ha! I don’t even know what that is.
SpongeBob: Me too. I don’t know what anything is! In fact…
Fisherman: [casting off his fishing rod] Hi-yah! Hi-yah!
SpongeBob: [giggles] For a second that sounded like.
SpongeBob: Right now? I mean, no! What is this karate? [opens up the basket] Uhh, what do you want on your sandwich?
SpongeBob: What did you say?
Sandy: Uhh, mustard. Mustard! I want mustard on my sandwich. [takes out some mustard] There we go. [SpongeBob pulls out some barnacle loaf]
SpongeBob: How many slices of barnacle loaf do you want?
Sandy: One. Just one.
SpongeBob: One for you! [karate chops a slice off]
SpongeBob: And one for me! [chops off another slice in slow-motion]
Sandy: Ohh, uhh, SpongeBob?
Sandy: Maybe just one more. Uhh, I’m kinda hungry.
[SpongeBob brings out the barnacle loaf again]
SpongeBob: Sure thing, Sandy. [lifts up his hand]
Sandy: Do you think, umm do you think I could cut this one?
SpongeBob: Uhh, sure.
Sandy: Thanks. Hi-yah! [chops one slice] Is that enough?
SpongeBob: Maybe just one more. Or two!
Sandy: Or three!
SpongeBob: Or 10!
Sandy: 10! Yes, 10! Because we’re really hungry!
[chops off more slices and they fly everywhere]
SpongeBob: Time for buns!
[throws a bunch of buns in the air and chops them in half]
Sandy: How about some tomatoes?
SpongeBob: And I’ll cut the cheese! [both throw the cheese and tomatoes in the air while chopping them into a bunch of slices that land on the patties]
Sandy: And, what else should we slice? [SpongeBob grabs more buns]
SpongeBob: More buns!
Sandy: [Sandy grabs two heads of lettuce] And lettuce!
Both: Yeah! [both slice up more food to complete their Krabby Patties and one of the buns lands on an earthworm]
SpongeBob: Phew. Making sandwiches sure is fun. Right, Sandy? [Sandy has a dazed look on her face] Right? I guess I’ll eat one now. [reaches for a patty but Sandy karate chops his arm with her green foam hand]
Sandy: You’re mince meat!
SpongeBob: [in his red karate gear] In your dreams! Hi-yah! [both start to karate chop each other. Later, Mr. Krabs is walking through the park carrying an umbrella]
Mr. Krabs: Huh? What the barnacle? [Everything in the park is chopped in half. Sandy is chopping wood while SpongeBob rests on a rock]
SpongeBob: Do you think Mr. Krabs ever does karate? [Mr. Krabs clears his throat to get SpongeBob’s attention. SpongeBob screams] Mr. Krabs! [tries to hold a tree back in one piece] Uhh, hey Mr. Krabs, hows it going? [holds the rock in one piece] Nice day, huh? [half of the tree falls on SpongeBob’s head] Oh, alright, Mr. Krabs. You caught me. But you know what? I just cant help myself. You’re just gonna have to fire me.
Mr. Krabs: Fire you? [grabs a couple Krabby Patties] I’ve got something else in mind. [at The Krusty Krab, SpongeBob and Sandy are karate chopping up Krabby Patties for the customers. Sandy is chopping up the meat and SpongeBob is chopping up the mustard]
Sandy: I love karate!
SpongeBob: I love kara-tay!
Mr. Krabs: I love money-ay! [He holds some money]
Squidward: I hate all of you.